Today I was reflecting on various married couples I know (or have known) who don’t really talk to each other. I am struck because in my mind the number seems quite high.
Of course, we can all think of examples of older couples eating together in a restaurant, where they are entirely silent. But this could be due to age. Most of the folks I am thinking about are not elderly.
Maybe it’s familiarity. Or loss of respect over time. Or dissimilar interests. Or unresolved conflict. I suppose two introverts might just not enjoy talking. I have certainly met people who just resist talking…to anyone.
Dr. Keirsey might suggest that it’s because they don’t have a similar style of talking. He says that half of the people use concrete terms and the other half speak in symbols, patterns and metaphors. The result is that people who have different styles generally don’t like to talk to each other. They just simply don’t like it. And so they don’t do it.
Regardless, I have to wonder how is it that these people wound up together in the first place? Was it animal attraction? Or was it something else? Was it always that way in their relationships?
I am not sure what to make of situations like this. On one hand, my idealistic side makes me feel that they should not be stuck together for life, just because of the marriage covenant. I mean, what is the use of being married to someone you don’t talk to? But maybe for some, there is a lot more to marriage than talking.
For me, any relationship, including marriage, is only about talking. Without verbal communication, there is no relationship. At least at this point in my life, I feel that way.
But others may feel differently. And maybe someday I shall as well.
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